Twi-shite: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Twi-shite: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Be warned: there are spoilers for Breaking Dawn Part 2 lurking below.

Georgie and I at the cinema in our pyjamas on a school night, oh my.

Of all films to attend the midnight opening screening of, I never thought my first would be a Twilight film.  But on Wednesday night, when Georgie invited me to accompany her in making fun of both the film and its patrons, I figured why the hell not.  And that is how I ended up being one of the first people in Australia to seeBreaking Dawn Part 2.

We chose the 12:15am screening because it was marginally cheaper than the 12:01 session, and there were better seats available.  The cinema was only half-full, which I found a little surprising, but most of the people in the [95% young and female] crowd were very excited.

Having now seen the film, I can honestly say that I have no idea what on earth they were so excited about, because it was absolutely awful.  To the film-maker’s credit, there were a few genuinely funny moments, and visually it was quite nice, but in terms of actual story, the film was severely lacking.  Every single bit of conflict that Bella and Edward faced was overcome without any struggle. So, they can’t tell Charlie [Bella’s dad] that Bella is alive because he can’t know that she’s a vampire?  Let Jacob solve that by telling him anyway, and inviting him to visit his daughter.  Then that plot point will never be mentioned again.  So, they need to gather witnesses to convince the Valkyrie that the Cullens are innocent?  That’s quite easy.  Everyone travels to a different place, and they all bring people back.  There are no challenges or failures.  At no point do you think that perhaps Bella will not succeed.

And then comes the fight sequence, where it finally looks like there may not be a happy ending for everybody after all [except Edward, Bella and their daughter with the stupid name] – but that’s just a cop out, too: it’s revealed to be a fantasy sequence.  Yes, that’s right – after several scenes of vampires’ heads being ripped off, bodies being burnt and werewolves being slaughtered, we find out that everybody lived after all.  Because happy endings are all the rage these days.

Now, I’ve not read the books, so I’m going to assume that this was a fairly faithful adaptation, and that therefore all of the fangirls were sufficiently pleased with the film.  But, as someone who appreciates good storytelling and character development, I found Breaking Dawn Part 2 to be severely lacking on both parts.  Even before I’d seen it, there was no way that I was going to recommend anyone see this film, and now that I’ve wasted those hours of my life I can confirm that my suspicions were correct.

Don’t bother.

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